goazon | overflow

If Han Solo had told you the story, it would have been unnecessarily fantastical.

( And probably mostly inaccurate but that wouldn't have stopped it from being entertaining, as he recalls. )

This would have been during the Galactic Civil War. The way I have heard it, Solo owed Jabba a large amount of money from time spent smuggling for him, which he failed to pay after getting caught up with the Rebel Alliance for several years. Darth Vader, concurrently, was hunting the galaxy for Skywalker, so they had a common interest. Once he caught them on Bespin, Vader allowed a bounty hunter to encase Solo in carbonite and take him back to Tatooine to collect the reward. Apparently Jabba wanted him as the focal point of a growing art collection. The others escaped and spent some time strategizing how to save him from his own mistakes. When they executed their plan, they were all caught, unsurprisingly, and were taken out to the Dune Sea to be fed to the sarlacc. Like tacos.

What happened to Jabba?

[ for as cantankerous as he is, he does tell a good story, however occasionally peppered with uncomfortable truths it has been before. it helps that she's a sucker for things she doesn't know about. ]

Edited 2020-08-23 23:58 (UTC)

He was killed when everything inevitably went to hell. Leia strangled him.

( The version that he was told as a child didn't have the level of detail necessary for a true recount of events, but word gets around and people talk, particularly when you go looking. Of course talking about his mother is never easy or simple, no matter how abstractly. )

I was spared the illustrious details, but as the rumors go, he had enslaved her, so he deserved it.

I haven't even gotten started.

[ if his pain over his mother is anything like his mother's is over him - and Rey think it might be - it's likely only held back by the same duracrete determination Leia exudes. which is to say, she doesn't say anything about how incredible it is, Leia taking down a Hutt crime lord, but she wants to. call it inexplicable graciousness. ]

Enslaved her? Then he got what was coming to him.

Have you ever met a Hutt crime lord before?

This doesn't sound like a very fun game.

( He wouldn't disagree with her. As much as he resents Leia, it's still. Complicated. There's no other word for it. )

I tend to agree. But, no, I haven't had the pleasure. I have been told they smell, though.

[ there is a lot of typing. this conversation took a turn. part of her wants to ruin it, part of her doesn't. ]

I think it's known across the universe that Hutts have a stench to them.

Sarlaccs are impressive.

Do you trust me, Rey?

Yes. Do you trust me?

In size or in appetite?

( Talking about unsightly desert dwellers is so much easier than talking about his mother. )

Both. I think it knew I had more tacos I wasn't giving over.

[ he did not deserve this reprieve and she knows it. ]

I think it is more likely that it considered the tacos an appetizer.

It's possible, but appetizers are something rather unique to individuals who have an abundance of food. I don't know if that can be said for the sarlacc.

I'm implying that it was more interested in eating you.

( Is she empathizing with mouth in the ground? )

[ like it's so shocking that the lady who empathized with the patricidal dickhead feels kind of bad for a sarlacc. ]

I know, and I'm choosing to ignore it.

Besides, it can't even reach me.

[ those feel like famous last words. ]

( To be fair, the patricidal dickhead is better looking than the sarlacc. Maybe. Depends on who you ask. But also to be fair, he's hardly surprised. In fact, he's fairly sure that Rey would walk over his corpse for a stick of free gum. )

It has tentacles for a reason. They are designed to lash out and wrap around prey. Additionally, the digestive tract is designed to keep prey alive as it digests over the course of a millennium. Painfully, too, as the tentacles will also inject a paralytic neurotoxin that is extremely painful. But please, continue to feed it snacks.