( Maybe it's the nature of the connecting bridge between them, but he doesn't feel laughed at despite the pointed tip of it directed right toward him. If anything, he senses the echo of his own uncertainty in the lingering beat between the change in her expression and the clap of her laughter - admittedly not a sound he's overly familiar with and definitely not enough to judge, but he relies on intuition to lead him here - and rather than recoiling, he leans into it, just once. )
You can't possibly be that cold. ( Suggestive? Maybe, but he's hardly an expert at this, and despite his pronouncements otherwise, he's still Han Solo's son, and anyone who knows that man knows that his ability to smoothly navigate a conversation is lacking. So it sounds more dubious, even as he maneuvers to lie on his side, propped up on one bent elbow. ) Where are you?
( The leading note in his tone is somehow different even to his own ears. Less command and more layered, genuine curiosity. Exploitation is less on his mind than is trial and error, since Felucia. )
What happened? I thought you knew where I was. [ She dropped the tone of her voice after posing the question, mimicking his somber baritone voice.
Something about watching him lay down on his side as she was made the intimacy of the moment feel suddenly multiplied by a thousand. ]
And I'm from a warm planet, I'm always a little cold anywhere else. [ She added while still smiling that wry smile of hers. As if silently implying there was something he could do about that, and they both knew it. ] Where are you? [ His location was fairly arbitrary, but Rey wouldn't let him be the only one making demands. Then, in a rush of wild stupidity, she spoke again. ] And what's under your blanket?
In bed. [ He should know that would be all the answers she could give him. Rey shifted slightly, masking a yawn against the back of her hand as the blanket slipped down further. Catching it just before she exposed herself completely, though still revealing a good deal more of herself than she would have liked, the curve of her abdomen and the side of one breast on full display as she held the blanket to herself. ]
( A lot of this feels like a trap and a situation he should not be taking advantage of, but when allowances are rationed out like sips of water during a drought, he finds that the overwhelming scratch of the dryness in his throat is too much to contend with. He's felt the bow of that waist through the leather creaking in his palm as he's flexed his fingers, but his hands are bare now and there is no sensory memory to bridge the gap between reality as it stands and reality as he's experienced it before. )
I was aiming for the planet but apparently alcohol makes you only slightly more agreeable.
I already gave you a planet. [ A planet, that if he seemed inclined to depart for she would do the same when she woke up. Her eyes narrow, watching him and attempting to read and re-read the million and one microexpressions that move over his face like light through the trees on a very humid, jungly planet. ] You're staring. [ So was she, and she knew that she was, and the peculiar sense of closeness that had muddied her thoughts more than any whiskey could made her smile, the words issued gently, as though she were almost pleased by the knowledge. ]
You suggested a planet. ( Which shouldn't be taken as an indication that he is at all planning to meet her there. Regardless of what's happened in the weeks and months since Crait, there are still some trajectories that he can't deviate from. ) I'm looking for a confirmation.
( If he can conceptualize the planet on his end, could he project himself there intentionally, rather than one of them accidentally stumbling into it? The academic nuances of their predicament are only slightly less interesting to him than the rise and fall of that blanket with the cadence of her breath, but Kylo is resolutely not addressing that. )
[ He says he's looking for confirmation and her gaze drifts to the side, not so much thinking as feeling. Reaching out towards him through the Force Rey focused on the constant pull of that very specific gravity that is unique to Kylo Ren. It was always there in the back of her mind, and, as she turned her eyes back to face the image of him on the screen of her communicator, she let her awareness get close enough to pull back. ]
Nowhere else. [ Rey's voice was quiet, focusing on the dark of his eyes and the slope of his nose, trying to bring him closer to her, like she wanted to silently will him through the screen. He had been nice to hold. It had been nice to forget, to be breathless for a reason that had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with its opposite. Maybe if he pushed, she could pull. ]
( As if he could. The whole of his attention is collapsed down to a pinhole, caught up in the gravity well that spans the distance between them and pulls, pushes, lengthens and condenses like the rhythmic breathing of something living. He could easily tip over and into her and find himself caught in that whirlpool, that black hole, and never surface, but reaching for the riptide intentionally always leaves him empty handed. Some piece refuses to connect, their fingers always touching but never catching in the dark. )
Hang up. I want to try something.
( Before Rey even has a chance to respond, he cuts the connection so that his screen goes dark, leaving only the illuminating wash of the solitary glowlamp still lit in the absence of the stark white-blue of his comm unit. Through the long line that pulls taut between them, the ever-there sensation of her through the Force, he follows the thread as best he can, the same way that he had reached out months ago, that first time, though this time he lacks the anchor of her extended hand to guide him up through the pitch. )
[ When he vanished from the screen Rey gaped at the dimly lit screen where his face had been only moments ago. She was still just a little bit too drunk to hate herself properly for the pang of longing that budded up in the pit of her stomach.
Then, she can feel him trying, and without giving a moment's thought to any item on the lengthy list of reasons why she shouldn't, Rey reached for him. She couldn't stretch her hand forward for him to take this time, leaving her to project the desire to do so, her thoughts centering on the shape of his silhouette and the warmth of his body pressed against hers. ]
( A few of the last vestiges of rationality that manage to hang on by their own frayed ends persistently rationalize that most of what he's doing is still an academic choice. There is still room to make the argument that he's testing a hypothesis or pushing the limits and boundaries of this thing that they have both tried to be rid of at varying points and to varying degrees. Snoke had insisted that it was his creation, his manipulative experiment, that had bridged the gap, and so it stands to reason that examining it to its very end is not only necessary because of the tactical aspects of occupying one end of a direct connection to an enemy but also because the bond's continued existence itself could call into question some hard truths about the true status of that voice in the dark, that cold shadow lurking in the back of his mind.
He could also blame this lapse in judgment on the bleed between Rey and himself through their connection and claim that he was drunk, but Kylo doubts that the swimming sensation in his head has anything to do with blood alcohol content. But it's fun to explore it as an option. He sits up.
Of course, nothing happens at first, not for a while, and he listens to the whir of the shuttle around him, cutting through hyperspace like a blade. Of course, nothing happens at first but when it does, it's as subtle as it's always been, enough that he doesn't even notice at first. It's the drop in air pressure and then its rise, gravity pressing down on his shoulders, the back of his neck. He's still sitting there, knees akimbo, heels pressed nearly together on the floor, fingers curled under the edge of the cot. He doesn't even have to look behind him to know. )
Comfortable? ( He's asked the same question of at least one other person before, though this time the sarcasm is laced with a little less hostility than it had been then. )
[ Uncertain of what to think or feel Rey lay there and stared up at the ceiling, chasing the frenetic loops of her thoughts as they rollercoastered through her mind. She wanted to blame the drinks, but she hadn't had a drop on Felucia when they had collided the first time. It had been then what it was now – the almost fiendish machinations of fate and gravity, bolstered by the Force.
Her eyes closed as the air seemed to still and dip inwards on itself like it needed to take a breath before the universe could go on. Without moving Rey let her eyes down, looking along the line of her bed to where his shape interrupts the empty space. Inside her chest her heart twisted in a way that would have seemed unnatural had she not already become very aware of how completely right he could feel.
Propping herself up on one elbow Rey held the blanket against herself, her eyes flashing when his voice broke the silence but she said nothing in response. He would turn around, she knew, and he would see that unabashedly gentle smile on her face and the way her eyes narrowed, welcoming and glad and challenging, shoving away the conflict that had the ability to rip them both to pieces in favor of self-indulgence, and a yearning for the closeness they'd had no business discovering between them in the first place. ]
( There is a weighted tug that pulls at the edges of his peripheral, guiding the lingering line of his gaze toward where he knows that he'll find her lying like an illusion, some play of the imagination, in the indentation that his own body hasn't left across the narrow slant of the mattress. The warmth of her floods the boundaries of his perception, the same way that the weird and heavy weight of humidity had settled over him that time he had found moisture pressed into the lines of his gloves. He knows that she's there without having to even turn and check for himself, and there is something both comforting and nerve-wracking about that knowledge, like keeping a secret he knows he should tell or tempting himself with a reward he knows he doesn't deserve.
He should stand, despite reaching out to her in some capacity in the first place. He should walk away, despite doing his part to close the distance between them whether by feet or parsecs, whether by physicality alone or through whatever strange bridge still connects them through the Force. If anything, he should remain seated just the way that he is, facing away, if only because he knows what's under the drape of that blanket. Still, there is only so much self-control in the galaxy. )
No answer? ( He can see her plainly when he turns to look at her, just the sharp line of his eye at first and then the entirety of his shoulders to follow as he turns, one hand plunged precariously next to her in the sheets but not touching. The fragility of the line that stretches between them, like a thread of woven, brittle glass, doesn't escape him, both in the physical sense and in terms of how her mood and attitude toward him might impact it.
The corner of his mouth quirks, definitely not a smile but not lacking in some degree of familiarity either, almost bordering on affection. ) That's highly unlike you.
[ With a little care it might have been a smile on his face, sure, but as minuscule as the change in his expression was it sent her stomach into happy, tense knots just the same. These were moments that should not have been encouraged to exist, and she knew it. There was some part of her mind where sanity must still have existed that worked hard to wave every red flag it could and Rey–
She sat up slowly, willing and pulling and trying everything she could to make whatever this was as real and tangible as possible. Her blanket secured she continued to stay quiet, shifting across the narrow expanse of her bunk until she was just behind him. With a soft sigh that somehow sounded both weighty and gentle at the same time Rey shut her eyes and leaned forward, resting her chin against his shoulder. ]
I thought you'd enjoy the quiet. [ She said after a moment, letting her eyes flutter open and dart to the side, tilting her head to better study his face in profile as she did.
He was here, and what a disaster it was.
After a moment of hesitation Rey's hand came up, resting lightly on his shoulder as she stayed put, half curled against his side, peering over his shoulder while she rest her head on him. ]
It is marginally better than having you scream in my face about someone else's cake.
( The derision in his voice is as thick as the frosting on that cake had probably been, but it is mollified somewhat by the strange sensation of the there and not-there weight of her chin on his shoulder. There, because he knows that he could turn his head that much more and brush her forehead with the tip of his nose, because he can feel the blanket-born warmth of her skin seeping in just a little to counter the inherent chill brought on by dead space. Not-there, because he knows just as well as he knows the rest that he could turn his head and she could be gone either on her own whim or the instability of the Force itself, because she isn't really there and he isn't really there and this isn't really a thing that can be happening in any capacity or context.
And yet.
His life has been a crescendo of bad ideas. It stands to reason that adding this one to the ever-growing list wouldn't be the worst in the sequence of events he's been following since childhood, and this one at least has the added benefit of feeling good without immediately resulting in some sort of disaster or consequence. The ramifications from these instances are easier to outright ignore because they seem so far away and because the pressure of Rey's there and not-there hand presents a better argument than those ramifications ever could in the first place. After a moment spent considering this, he reaches back toward where he thinks her leg should be, and finds that he can curl his fingers around it through the blanket just as he asks - ) What is your interest in Tython? Do you know anything about it?
I didn't scream in your face. [ The hand on his shoulder is replaced by an arm snaked tentatively around his midsection. The weight of his hand against the back of her knee made her brave, if he felt alright showing, however slightly, that he wanted to be closer to her, it empowered her to reveal the same. ]
I was emphatic, that's all. [ Rey added, almost petulant sounding if not for the unmistakable warmth that her amusement brought to the sound of her voice.
The question about Tython was something of a reprieve from all the jittery uncertainty that came with feeling this particular shade of happiness. Accommodating his hand Rey shifted until her knee was resting against his leg, cozying up to him despite common sense. ] It's supposed to be where the Jedi started, and I know how wrong you think they are, and I agree, at least partially, but some things are useful.
[ If there was any tension blossoming in him Rey chose to ignore it in favor of letting herself settle more fully against his back. ] It stands to reason that if Tython is the source, after a fashion, then there must be knowledge worth having, unfiltered by the ages or by codes and rules, a more pure understanding.
( He snorts but jumps, too - or flinches, one or the other, despite the invitation inherent in his own movements - as she winds one arm around his midsection, as uncertain as to what to do with this blatant display of intimate affection as he had been when she'd reached out to him that first time, as he had been when Han Solo had traced that long, shallow line down one half of his face. Sometimes he wonders if the puckered scar Rey had left behind hadn't been some form of predetermination stitched into him by that moment on the bridge, doused in the red emergency lights from overhead, but it isn't something that he's interested in considering for too long given the present circumstances, so he leaves it there, cutting those memories off like pinching off the open end of a vein.
After a moment wherein she doesn't immediately move away from him, he relaxes, letting go of a long-held tension in his stomach, a small stone dissolving, replaced with a pervasive warmth that feels as threatening as it does familiar, comforting. His fingers curl further underneath her leg where it stretches to accommodate the way she shifts around him, and Kylo can feel the ligaments and tendons moving underneath his fingertips, his palm. It's very distracting, as is the added weight of her leaning into his shoulders, his spine, every vertebrae a lightning rod exposed to the material of her blanket and the electric pulse of her bare skin where said blanket slips with her movement. )
I do think they're wrong. ( For a number of reasons, but right now most of those reasons pale in comparison to how dry his mouth suddenly feels -and how badly it tastes, consequently - and how warm her arm is where it presses against his middle, despite her earlier complaints attributed to growing up on a planet comprised entirely of sand and sun. ) That doesn't mean I don't find the asinine artifacts or manuscripts or information, in general, that they left behind useful to some degree. Everything has an origin, and origins exist for a reason. The problem starts when you begin putting those origins on a pedestal and treat them as gospel.
( He can feel the annoyed expression on his face, years of searching, endlessly hunting for answers, for relics, for something old to build something new on top of burned into his brain like an after image. And so much else tied up with it, a tangled ball of barbed wire and exposed circuits. Ignoring it would be hypocritical, though. As if he isn't trying his best to seek out and find the same things she is, albeit for different reasons. ) Historically, that hasn't exactly worked in the Jedi's favor, as you're probably well aware by now. ( A beat, and he threads the fingers of his free hand through hers where they curl over at his torso. It would be a tentative, unsure motion, if not for the resolute way that he goes about it, as if convincing himself more than anyone else. )
Attachment was forbidden, I'm sure you know. ( Which begs the question - ) I'm not sure what would have been made of this.
( This being - well. This. He knows (now) what happened the last time someone from his family got in over his head, after all. )
[ All she had wanted was this - a conversation - to be able to exchange ideas without the weighty pantomime their shared aggression brought with it. There was no call to be disparaging, or to rebuff him and hastily regain any distance between them she might have lost, there were just two people, speaking in close quarters in civil tones, using their words to map out a terrain that had been rough on them both. ] Have you been to Tython? If there's something there to see and to know, I want to do that. I don't think I'll find all the answers just–
[ Rey trailed off, her head ducking down so that her cheek rest against his back and she could hide her face, frowning as she turned her thoughts over inside her head. ] If there are useful things, I want to know. [ What scavenger could rebuff the lure of something useful? Another tool to use, another method to elevate their survival, another piece of the puzzle that had landed in her lap the moment she had laid a hand on the lightsaber - everything could come in handy. She wasn't expecting to find the way, but she hoped she would find evidence that someone, somewhere had gotten close to whatever 'the way' might have resembled.
The conversation drifting in the direction of attachments pulled her from her thoughts and Rey lifted her head, her chin reassuming its previous perch ] You speak as though anyone knows what to make of this now. [ Rey had not needed to live her life surrounded by other people to know that this wasn't the sort of attachment people found themselves entrenched in every day. Something deep ran between them, something she couldn't quite put down and step away from, even when every sign indicated that she was better off doing exactly that. /small> ]
( Tython, for all its lore and power and speculation wrapped up within its coordinates, isn't a place that he's spent a lengthy amount of time. He knows about the seeing stone there, about what that had meant for Luke Skywalker over a decade ago, what it had brought him, and about the ice caps and temples, the artifacts and archaeological possibilities that could potentially be unearthed. But he hasn't personally stepped on that planet in recent years, preferring to try his luck elsewhere, to follow up on other potential paths, chase down different rumors, different whispers. Different people. Jedi killer. The irony isn't lost even on him. )
I haven't been to Tython in a very long time. ( If he turns his head now, inclines it even slightly toward the lull of her voice, he could lean it against hers. Instead, he keeps his gaze trained forward, though the point of his thumb absentmindedly traces the rough ball of her knuckle in a steadying, methodical rhythm. ) Luke and I went once, not long after I started training with him. ( His tone is flippant, but he doubts that she'll need to rely on the Force to search for the truth behind his brevity. ) Like many of his field trips, we found nothing. Just more questions and open endings.
( It isn't an answer to the implication of her statement, which he supposes he owes her. He still isn't sure how open he's willing to be about what he's doing, though, given everything that's happened. )
[ Not only did she not need the Force to sense the ripple of ire that pulsed out of him at the memory of his uncle, but she also didn't want to press any further. Not just yet. Rey sometimes let herself believe that one day Kylo would give up all the secrets and shadows he hung so desperately onto, and let her in. In moments like this one, it almost seemed like an obtainable goal, though there were other times when thinking this way seemed insane.
Rey was quiet for a long moment, staying close to him as she considered what she was offering, and the way he had yet to address it. ]
I could ask again tomorrow if you have still doubts about me wanting you to come with me.
[ Nothing else was working. Hell, this wasn't even working exactly, but it was doing more than any of the other avenues she pursued. She knew he could feel the way the Force almost settled down the closer they came to one another, just as it had on Felucia. ]
( Her persistence is disarming in a couple of ways, but that doesn't detract from his inability to capitalize on it for reasons beyond his control. Which annoys him: an easy slide when he's already bristled once by the slightest mention of his uncle. It feels familiar to sit in it, at the very least, frustration and annoyance lapping at him like waves on a well-known beach. Easier than allowing himself to enjoy the whatevers of this easy affection, anyway. )
We're in the middle of a war. ( He turns his head so that he can catch her expression out of the corner of his eye, but he adjusts his position so that the threat of brushing her skin with his own is off of the table. ) Or did you forget? ( The weight of her against him is both suffocating and comforting in that moment, a pressure that's too warm but welcome all at once. ) I have obligations beyond answering your call every time you want to take a day trip.
[ How could anyone forget about the war? As much as Rey sometimes wished she had remained on the outskirts of it, now that she had risen to meet the tide of conflict, there was no forgetting it existed. The desire to move around it and look for alternatives to fighting had grown stronger, but there was no real getting past it, at least not with the way things were. ]
Do either of our obligations really take us anywhere? [ Moving away from him Rey caught the blanket and kept it wrapped around herself, shifting so that her legs hung off the side of the bunk and she was sitting beside him instead of being half curled around him. Part of her felt better putting space between them, but a larger, more confusing part of her mind already missed the closeness. ]
( He can relate: with a marginal amount of distance between them, his mind feels a little clearer, his thoughts a little easier to come by. The abrupt chill at his back where her body had acted as a buffer makes him sit a bit taller, his fingers flexing and curling into a fist where it hangs between his splayed knees. His other hand curves over his own thigh, kept resolutely to himself. Like her, a part of him misses the contact almost immediately, but there really is no denying how much easier it is for him to form a coherent thought when she isn't touching him in some way. )
You tell me. ( His tone sharp, Kylo leans slightly away from her so that he can more clearly look at her. ) Unless Leia Organa really does think that your efforts are better spent scouring the galaxy for pieces of a religion that hasn't exactly done her any favors in the last thirty years. ( He wouldn't put it past her, given her insatiable need to maintain control and achieve some semblance of victory at every opportunity. Rey, just another cog in a wheel that has been turning since long before either of them were born, another pawn in a game that has completely gone off the rails. ) Then again, if your obligations were actually getting you nowhere, I think our situation might look a little different.
( They might not be sitting this way, for starters, there and not-there, on two sides of one long line. )
[ He brought up his mother and not for the first time Rey questioned whether or not anything she was doing at that moment was right. There was no place for vulnerability or uncertainty here, but Kylo was nothing if not marvelously good at filling her with both doubt and sureness at the same time. She could feel how much more it could be, even with not so much as the beginnings of a path leading towards it. He had no reason to lean into it and Rey was aware of that, even though some hotly impatient part of her wished that he would. The thought was motivated by selfishness. She wanted answers, she wanted to know why the seemingly endless flurry of her thoughts always circled back to him, no matter the hurt, or the times he had offered her proof that she was unwise for trying to reach for him. ]
You know I'm not your mother, you've made it very obvious that you're angry with us both, but there's no reason to be angry at her, at me. [ Not that she was foolish enough to think he might listen to sentiment as rational as that one. ]
I'm trying to do what I think is right, just like you say you are. I have to begin somewhere, maybe you're right and all I'll find is what others have, but if there's something out there worth sifting through all the failure for, even if it's nothing more than a place I could reach, and I road I might be able to follow. You don't want to do this with me, you don't want to talk, or try to learn, so I'll do it without you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2020-11-27 07:08 am (UTC)You can't possibly be that cold. ( Suggestive? Maybe, but he's hardly an expert at this, and despite his pronouncements otherwise, he's still Han Solo's son, and anyone who knows that man knows that his ability to smoothly navigate a conversation is lacking. So it sounds more dubious, even as he maneuvers to lie on his side, propped up on one bent elbow. ) Where are you?
( The leading note in his tone is somehow different even to his own ears. Less command and more layered, genuine curiosity. Exploitation is less on his mind than is trial and error, since Felucia. )
no subject
Date: 2020-11-27 07:26 am (UTC)Something about watching him lay down on his side as she was made the intimacy of the moment feel suddenly multiplied by a thousand. ]
And I'm from a warm planet, I'm always a little cold anywhere else. [ She added while still smiling that wry smile of hers. As if silently implying there was something he could do about that, and they both knew it. ] Where are you? [ His location was fairly arbitrary, but Rey wouldn't let him be the only one making demands. Then, in a rush of wild stupidity, she spoke again. ] And what's under your blanket?
a little tag before driving
Date: 2020-11-27 01:56 pm (UTC)I asked first.
overnights some diego your way
Date: 2020-11-27 06:23 pm (UTC)that diego is such a heathen
Date: 2020-11-27 11:43 pm (UTC)( A lot of this feels like a trap and a situation he should not be taking advantage of, but when allowances are rationed out like sips of water during a drought, he finds that the overwhelming scratch of the dryness in his throat is too much to contend with. He's felt the bow of that waist through the leather creaking in his palm as he's flexed his fingers, but his hands are bare now and there is no sensory memory to bridge the gap between reality as it stands and reality as he's experienced it before. )
I was aiming for the planet but apparently alcohol makes you only slightly more agreeable.
no subject
Date: 2020-11-28 12:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-11-28 12:28 am (UTC)( If he can conceptualize the planet on his end, could he project himself there intentionally, rather than one of them accidentally stumbling into it? The academic nuances of their predicament are only slightly less interesting to him than the rise and fall of that blanket with the cadence of her breath, but Kylo is resolutely not addressing that. )
This is a video call. Where else should I look?
no subject
Date: 2020-11-28 12:42 am (UTC)Nowhere else. [ Rey's voice was quiet, focusing on the dark of his eyes and the slope of his nose, trying to bring him closer to her, like she wanted to silently will him through the screen. He had been nice to hold. It had been nice to forget, to be breathless for a reason that had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with its opposite. Maybe if he pushed, she could pull. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-11-28 12:59 am (UTC)Hang up. I want to try something.
( Before Rey even has a chance to respond, he cuts the connection so that his screen goes dark, leaving only the illuminating wash of the solitary glowlamp still lit in the absence of the stark white-blue of his comm unit. Through the long line that pulls taut between them, the ever-there sensation of her through the Force, he follows the thread as best he can, the same way that he had reached out months ago, that first time, though this time he lacks the anchor of her extended hand to guide him up through the pitch. )
no subject
Date: 2020-11-28 01:16 am (UTC)Then, she can feel him trying, and without giving a moment's thought to any item on the lengthy list of reasons why she shouldn't, Rey reached for him. She couldn't stretch her hand forward for him to take this time, leaving her to project the desire to do so, her thoughts centering on the shape of his silhouette and the warmth of his body pressed against hers. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-12-02 02:08 am (UTC)He could also blame this lapse in judgment on the bleed between Rey and himself through their connection and claim that he was drunk, but Kylo doubts that the swimming sensation in his head has anything to do with blood alcohol content. But it's fun to explore it as an option. He sits up.
Of course, nothing happens at first, not for a while, and he listens to the whir of the shuttle around him, cutting through hyperspace like a blade. Of course, nothing happens at first but when it does, it's as subtle as it's always been, enough that he doesn't even notice at first. It's the drop in air pressure and then its rise, gravity pressing down on his shoulders, the back of his neck. He's still sitting there, knees akimbo, heels pressed nearly together on the floor, fingers curled under the edge of the cot. He doesn't even have to look behind him to know. )
Comfortable? ( He's asked the same question of at least one other person before, though this time the sarcasm is laced with a little less hostility than it had been then. )
burns it all down
Date: 2020-12-02 02:32 am (UTC)Her eyes closed as the air seemed to still and dip inwards on itself like it needed to take a breath before the universe could go on. Without moving Rey let her eyes down, looking along the line of her bed to where his shape interrupts the empty space. Inside her chest her heart twisted in a way that would have seemed unnatural had she not already become very aware of how completely right he could feel.
Propping herself up on one elbow Rey held the blanket against herself, her eyes flashing when his voice broke the silence but she said nothing in response. He would turn around, she knew, and he would see that unabashedly gentle smile on her face and the way her eyes narrowed, welcoming and glad and challenging, shoving away the conflict that had the ability to rip them both to pieces in favor of self-indulgence, and a yearning for the closeness they'd had no business discovering between them in the first place. ]
lights an xmas fire with this wine
Date: 2020-12-25 03:18 am (UTC)He should stand, despite reaching out to her in some capacity in the first place. He should walk away, despite doing his part to close the distance between them whether by feet or parsecs, whether by physicality alone or through whatever strange bridge still connects them through the Force. If anything, he should remain seated just the way that he is, facing away, if only because he knows what's under the drape of that blanket. Still, there is only so much self-control in the galaxy. )
No answer? ( He can see her plainly when he turns to look at her, just the sharp line of his eye at first and then the entirety of his shoulders to follow as he turns, one hand plunged precariously next to her in the sheets but not touching. The fragility of the line that stretches between them, like a thread of woven, brittle glass, doesn't escape him, both in the physical sense and in terms of how her mood and attitude toward him might impact it.
The corner of his mouth quirks, definitely not a smile but not lacking in some degree of familiarity either, almost bordering on affection. ) That's highly unlike you.
WHY I HAVE THIS ICON FOR 500 ALEX
Date: 2020-12-25 04:08 am (UTC)She sat up slowly, willing and pulling and trying everything she could to make whatever this was as real and tangible as possible. Her blanket secured she continued to stay quiet, shifting across the narrow expanse of her bunk until she was just behind him. With a soft sigh that somehow sounded both weighty and gentle at the same time Rey shut her eyes and leaned forward, resting her chin against his shoulder. ]
I thought you'd enjoy the quiet. [ She said after a moment, letting her eyes flutter open and dart to the side, tilting her head to better study his face in profile as she did.
He was here, and what a disaster it was.
After a moment of hesitation Rey's hand came up, resting lightly on his shoulder as she stayed put, half curled against his side, peering over his shoulder while she rest her head on him. ]
what is the christmas spirit
Date: 2020-12-25 05:32 pm (UTC)( The derision in his voice is as thick as the frosting on that cake had probably been, but it is mollified somewhat by the strange sensation of the there and not-there weight of her chin on his shoulder. There, because he knows that he could turn his head that much more and brush her forehead with the tip of his nose, because he can feel the blanket-born warmth of her skin seeping in just a little to counter the inherent chill brought on by dead space. Not-there, because he knows just as well as he knows the rest that he could turn his head and she could be gone either on her own whim or the instability of the Force itself, because she isn't really there and he isn't really there and this isn't really a thing that can be happening in any capacity or context.
And yet.
His life has been a crescendo of bad ideas. It stands to reason that adding this one to the ever-growing list wouldn't be the worst in the sequence of events he's been following since childhood, and this one at least has the added benefit of feeling good without immediately resulting in some sort of disaster or consequence. The ramifications from these instances are easier to outright ignore because they seem so far away and because the pressure of Rey's there and not-there hand presents a better argument than those ramifications ever could in the first place. After a moment spent considering this, he reaches back toward where he thinks her leg should be, and finds that he can curl his fingers around it through the blanket just as he asks - ) What is your interest in Tython? Do you know anything about it?
( Nerd. )
idk didn't taylor swift sing about it
Date: 2020-12-26 12:43 am (UTC)I was emphatic, that's all. [ Rey added, almost petulant sounding if not for the unmistakable warmth that her amusement brought to the sound of her voice.
The question about Tython was something of a reprieve from all the jittery uncertainty that came with feeling this particular shade of happiness. Accommodating his hand Rey shifted until her knee was resting against his leg, cozying up to him despite common sense. ] It's supposed to be where the Jedi started, and I know how wrong you think they are, and I agree, at least partially, but some things are useful.
[ If there was any tension blossoming in him Rey chose to ignore it in favor of letting herself settle more fully against his back. ] It stands to reason that if Tython is the source, after a fashion, then there must be knowledge worth having, unfiltered by the ages or by codes and rules, a more pure understanding.
funnily enough i listened to her christmas song this morning
Date: 2020-12-26 01:25 am (UTC)After a moment wherein she doesn't immediately move away from him, he relaxes, letting go of a long-held tension in his stomach, a small stone dissolving, replaced with a pervasive warmth that feels as threatening as it does familiar, comforting. His fingers curl further underneath her leg where it stretches to accommodate the way she shifts around him, and Kylo can feel the ligaments and tendons moving underneath his fingertips, his palm. It's very distracting, as is the added weight of her leaning into his shoulders, his spine, every vertebrae a lightning rod exposed to the material of her blanket and the electric pulse of her bare skin where said blanket slips with her movement. )
I do think they're wrong. ( For a number of reasons, but right now most of those reasons pale in comparison to how dry his mouth suddenly feels -and how badly it tastes, consequently - and how warm her arm is where it presses against his middle, despite her earlier complaints attributed to growing up on a planet comprised entirely of sand and sun. ) That doesn't mean I don't find the asinine artifacts or manuscripts or information, in general, that they left behind useful to some degree. Everything has an origin, and origins exist for a reason. The problem starts when you begin putting those origins on a pedestal and treat them as gospel.
( He can feel the annoyed expression on his face, years of searching, endlessly hunting for answers, for relics, for something old to build something new on top of burned into his brain like an after image. And so much else tied up with it, a tangled ball of barbed wire and exposed circuits. Ignoring it would be hypocritical, though. As if he isn't trying his best to seek out and find the same things she is, albeit for different reasons. ) Historically, that hasn't exactly worked in the Jedi's favor, as you're probably well aware by now. ( A beat, and he threads the fingers of his free hand through hers where they curl over at his torso. It would be a tentative, unsure motion, if not for the resolute way that he goes about it, as if convincing himself more than anyone else. )
Attachment was forbidden, I'm sure you know. ( Which begs the question - ) I'm not sure what would have been made of this.
( This being - well. This. He knows (now) what happened the last time someone from his family got in over his head, after all. )
they should go to a life day tree farm.
Date: 2020-12-26 02:13 am (UTC)[ Rey trailed off, her head ducking down so that her cheek rest against his back and she could hide her face, frowning as she turned her thoughts over inside her head. ] If there are useful things, I want to know. [ What scavenger could rebuff the lure of something useful? Another tool to use, another method to elevate their survival, another piece of the puzzle that had landed in her lap the moment she had laid a hand on the lightsaber - everything could come in handy. She wasn't expecting to find the way, but she hoped she would find evidence that someone, somewhere had gotten close to whatever 'the way' might have resembled.
The conversation drifting in the direction of attachments pulled her from her thoughts and Rey lifted her head, her chin reassuming its previous perch ] You speak as though anyone knows what to make of this now. [ Rey had not needed to live her life surrounded by other people to know that this wasn't the sort of attachment people found themselves entrenched in every day. Something deep ran between them, something she couldn't quite put down and step away from, even when every sign indicated that she was better off doing exactly that. /small> ]
Come to Tython with me.
and then have a christmast vacation experience immediately following
Date: 2020-12-26 02:44 am (UTC)I haven't been to Tython in a very long time. ( If he turns his head now, inclines it even slightly toward the lull of her voice, he could lean it against hers. Instead, he keeps his gaze trained forward, though the point of his thumb absentmindedly traces the rough ball of her knuckle in a steadying, methodical rhythm. ) Luke and I went once, not long after I started training with him. ( His tone is flippant, but he doubts that she'll need to rely on the Force to search for the truth behind his brevity. ) Like many of his field trips, we found nothing. Just more questions and open endings.
( It isn't an answer to the implication of her statement, which he supposes he owes her. He still isn't sure how open he's willing to be about what he's doing, though, given everything that's happened. )
ben but in antlers.
Date: 2020-12-26 06:10 am (UTC)Rey was quiet for a long moment, staying close to him as she considered what she was offering, and the way he had yet to address it. ]
I could ask again tomorrow if you have still doubts about me wanting you to come with me.
[ Nothing else was working. Hell, this wasn't even working exactly, but it was doing more than any of the other avenues she pursued. She knew he could feel the way the Force almost settled down the closer they came to one another, just as it had on Felucia. ]
the chanel antlers
Date: 2020-12-26 03:35 pm (UTC)We're in the middle of a war. ( He turns his head so that he can catch her expression out of the corner of his eye, but he adjusts his position so that the threat of brushing her skin with his own is off of the table. ) Or did you forget? ( The weight of her against him is both suffocating and comforting in that moment, a pressure that's too warm but welcome all at once. ) I have obligations beyond answering your call every time you want to take a day trip.
only the most elegant choice
Date: 2020-12-26 09:56 pm (UTC)Do either of our obligations really take us anywhere? [ Moving away from him Rey caught the blanket and kept it wrapped around herself, shifting so that her legs hung off the side of the bunk and she was sitting beside him instead of being half curled around him. Part of her felt better putting space between them, but a larger, more confusing part of her mind already missed the closeness. ]
like his uncle before him
Date: 2020-12-26 11:55 pm (UTC)You tell me. ( His tone sharp, Kylo leans slightly away from her so that he can more clearly look at her. ) Unless Leia Organa really does think that your efforts are better spent scouring the galaxy for pieces of a religion that hasn't exactly done her any favors in the last thirty years. ( He wouldn't put it past her, given her insatiable need to maintain control and achieve some semblance of victory at every opportunity. Rey, just another cog in a wheel that has been turning since long before either of them were born, another pawn in a game that has completely gone off the rails. ) Then again, if your obligations were actually getting you nowhere, I think our situation might look a little different.
( They might not be sitting this way, for starters, there and not-there, on two sides of one long line. )
i'm the worst i know
Date: 2021-01-25 01:15 am (UTC)You know I'm not your mother, you've made it very obvious that you're angry with us both, but there's no reason to be angry at her, at me. [ Not that she was foolish enough to think he might listen to sentiment as rational as that one. ]
I'm trying to do what I think is right, just like you say you are. I have to begin somewhere, maybe you're right and all I'll find is what others have, but if there's something out there worth sifting through all the failure for, even if it's nothing more than a place I could reach, and I road I might be able to follow. You don't want to do this with me, you don't want to talk, or try to learn, so I'll do it without you.